Emotional Breakdown

This isn't where I wanted to be.....

This isn't what I wanted to do....

I feel stuck....

No way out....

I feel like I am stuck, no breathing room, no where to go. Although I know I have the power to turn this around. I have already gained 5 lbs back and I don't want to gain all of it back. I am bloated and I hate myself. Maybe hate is a strong word, but close to it.

I am on the verge of tears right now!! I don't know exactly why or maybe I do. I feel disgusting in not just myself, but right now I have noone and I mean noone to turn to. I am always that person. That person that everyone else turns to when their life is in ruin. With that being said, it takes a lot for me to ask for help. When I do, I often feel rejected and this is where I am at!!! It doesn't help that I am PMSing so my emotions are effin crazy!!!

Its been close to a month since I have busted my ass!!! I haven't written my food down in a few weeks. Itss been one thing after another, but I hate excuses and won't use that either. I need to write a plan down, but never get around. I always put myself last. Last to shower, last to dress, last to eat, which may not be a bad thing, i just put myself last.

I have a plan of action!!!

This week I am starting to write everything down. The Good. The Bad. The Really Really Ugly.

Next week I am going to add in cardio at least three days. I have to start small and then work my way up.

I am not quitting on myself!!! Please don't quit on me!!!

Is anyone listening to my hormonal driven rant....